The Fat is All Around Us.

OK, so here it is. I hate fat people. It's true. And the rest of you do too. Sure, I know its the 00's or whatever it is we call this decade and everyone is freakin politically correct. Even the expression "politically correct" is politically correct. Why don't we describe it as it really is, Baby Boomers that were teased back in the day have finally risen to power and have put in place a fear campaign. You can no longer make fun of other people's flaws. Yet we crave it. Popular shows like Howard Stern and Family Guy clearly show an outcry for the good old days of hurtful, judgmental, mean spirited fun. Remember when your brother would twist your titty and make you cry? Admit it, you miss it!

When was the last time we got to laugh at a town drunk like we did with Arthur or Otis Campbel ? Remember Yo Momma jokes? Now they are played out on some lame MTV show. When I was in grade school, YO MOMMA jokes usually ended with someone crying or getting beat up. Ahh, the good old days. Even so-called hard core people who you would think don't fear the PC police are weak. Who's edgier than Spike Lee? The brother made some of the most anti-PC movies of all time. Then, a couple of years ago, he brings out his big comeback movie, 25th Hour, which was praised for being the first film to show the missing World Trade Center after that prick Osama and his boys knocked them down. So, Spike's got a great cast, Ed Norton in the lead, a good story, a great setting, and a lot of controversial dialog and situations... and what does he do? He BLINKS in what could have been the greatest F U moment of all time. In the scene where Ed Norton is so upset with himself and the world, he stares into a mirror and goes off on a racist, angry tirade. He shouts "Fuck the Jews" and "Fuck the Arabs" and F this, F that. Good stuff. Yep, that Spike Lee is so fearless, right? Umm, sorry, NO. Mr. Lee and Mr. Norton finally get to God himself and end their rant on the Big Guy in the Sky. And, you're sitting there, popcorn in hand, waiting for him to say it: "FUCK JESUS" ... boy, that would be some bold, crazy shit, huh?? Sorry, old Spike couldn't do it; Ed's character --remember he's in a heat of rage-- tells God he doesn't believe in him, he hates him, and then still has the decency to censor himself and only say "FUCK JC." JC?? JC?? Come on now Spike, man up and say it or strike that shit from your movie. When Spike Lee is PC, we have to realize something just isn't right.

But, hey, let's not get off track. It's the fat people that are the problem. Fat people are all around us. Large, oozing, sloppy, gross, smelly, sweaty, hungry fat people. Fat has invaded our society. These people are all around you, so subtle, so ubiquitous, that we hardly pay them attention any more. Remember the good old days when fat kids were pointed at and mocked in public? I grew up in the 70s and when the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos came out, every fat kid cringed. Remember fat kids wore husky pants? Now they are just called large size. And they're available everywhere. Back in my day, fat people had to travel to fat shops with names like He-Man Shop to find tents that could fit them. And the clothes were ugly. No right minded clothing store offered fat clothes that looked like normal-people clothes. That was the price you paid, you wore ugly stripes and canvas sacks while the good people wore attractive clothes. Now every fatty attempts to wear the same styles as normal people. My God, why do these people subject me to belly shirts and short shorts? What genius designed XXXL shorts? Hey Fatties, cover your varicose-veined, dimpled, stubby legs with heavy duty cloth, OK?

Hey, fat asses, it's enough already. I for one am disgusted by your disrespect. Yes, your very existence is a direct disrespect to my sensibilities. Put down the bacon mayo cheeseburger and your 44oz Coke and go lock yourself in a closet for 6 months or until you can get in an elevator without checking the total weight limit and worrying. I've seen you pricks trying to calculate if me + you = us plummeting to our deaths.


I think we'll pause here, my friends. We have so much to cover in upcoming blogs. Fat babies. People are starving in Africa and we have chunks like this?

We must also discuss fat celebrities. For instance, how the hell does a fat guy get a job on the show Lost and never lose weight on a desert island (he probably thought he was auditioning for a job on a dessert island). OK, I can accept polar bears on the island, but a obese stinkwad eating fruits and bark and not losing a freaking pound? Can you imagine the stench from that island? A fat guy without deodorant is a nightmare. Trust me, fat Tom, in the cube across from me is proof of that. But more on him in the future (be prepared to be sickened).

The fat is all around us. It's repulsive and wrong. Stand up and be heard. You can, you know, because you don't have crooked fat legs that wobble when you rise. Stand up and be heard. I welcome all feedback. I'm searching for a name, a fat label, for these creatures we call the overweight. For now, I'll stick with fatties, but if you have ideas, please share.

Until next time, stay safe and don't get eat eaten.