Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Fat is All Around Us.

OK, so here it is. I hate fat people. It's true. And the rest of you do too. Sure, I know its the 00's or whatever it is we call this decade and everyone is freakin politically correct. Even the expression "politically correct" is politically correct. Why don't we describe it as it really is, Baby Boomers that were teased back in the day have finally risen to power and have put in place a fear campaign. You can no longer make fun of other people's flaws. Yet we crave it. Popular shows like Howard Stern and Family Guy clearly show an outcry for the good old days of hurtful, judgmental, mean spirited fun. Remember when your brother would twist your titty and make you cry? Admit it, you miss it!

When was the last time we got to laugh at a town drunk like we did with Arthur or Otis Campbel ? Remember Yo Momma jokes? Now they are played out on some lame MTV show. When I was in grade school, YO MOMMA jokes usually ended with someone crying or getting beat up. Ahh, the good old days. Even so-called hard core people who you would think don't fear the PC police are weak. Who's edgier than Spike Lee? The brother made some of the most anti-PC movies of all time. Then, a couple of years ago, he brings out his big comeback movie, 25th Hour, which was praised for being the first film to show the missing World Trade Center after that prick Osama and his boys knocked them down. So, Spike's got a great cast, Ed Norton in the lead, a good story, a great setting, and a lot of controversial dialog and situations... and what does he do? He BLINKS in what could have been the greatest F U moment of all time. In the scene where Ed Norton is so upset with himself and the world, he stares into a mirror and goes off on a racist, angry tirade. He shouts "Fuck the Jews" and "Fuck the Arabs" and F this, F that. Good stuff. Yep, that Spike Lee is so fearless, right? Umm, sorry, NO. Mr. Lee and Mr. Norton finally get to God himself and end their rant on the Big Guy in the Sky. And, you're sitting there, popcorn in hand, waiting for him to say it: "FUCK JESUS" ... boy, that would be some bold, crazy shit, huh?? Sorry, old Spike couldn't do it; Ed's character --remember he's in a heat of rage-- tells God he doesn't believe in him, he hates him, and then still has the decency to censor himself and only say "FUCK JC." JC?? JC?? Come on now Spike, man up and say it or strike that shit from your movie. When Spike Lee is PC, we have to realize something just isn't right.

But, hey, let's not get off track. It's the fat people that are the problem. Fat people are all around us. Large, oozing, sloppy, gross, smelly, sweaty, hungry fat people. Fat has invaded our society. These people are all around you, so subtle, so ubiquitous, that we hardly pay them attention any more. Remember the good old days when fat kids were pointed at and mocked in public? I grew up in the 70s and when the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos came out, every fat kid cringed. Remember fat kids wore husky pants? Now they are just called large size. And they're available everywhere. Back in my day, fat people had to travel to fat shops with names like He-Man Shop to find tents that could fit them. And the clothes were ugly. No right minded clothing store offered fat clothes that looked like normal-people clothes. That was the price you paid, you wore ugly stripes and canvas sacks while the good people wore attractive clothes. Now every fatty attempts to wear the same styles as normal people. My God, why do these people subject me to belly shirts and short shorts? What genius designed XXXL shorts? Hey Fatties, cover your varicose-veined, dimpled, stubby legs with heavy duty cloth, OK?

Hey, fat asses, it's enough already. I for one am disgusted by your disrespect. Yes, your very existence is a direct disrespect to my sensibilities. Put down the bacon mayo cheeseburger and your 44oz Coke and go lock yourself in a closet for 6 months or until you can get in an elevator without checking the total weight limit and worrying. I've seen you
pricks trying to calculate if me + you = us plummeting to our deaths.


I think we'll pause here, my friends. We have so much to cover in upcoming blogs. Fat babies. People are starving in Africa and we have chunks like this?

We must also discuss fat celebrities. For instance, how the hell does a fat guy get a job on the show Lost and never lose weight on a desert island (he probably thought he was auditioning for a job on a dessert island). OK, I can accept polar bears on the island, but a obese stinkwad eating fruits and bark and not losing a freaking pound? Can you imagine the stench from that island? A fat guy without deodorant is a nightmare. Trust me, fat Tom, in the cube across from me is proof of that. But more on him in the future (be prepared to be sickened).

The fat is all around us. It's repulsive and wrong. Stand up and be heard. You can, you know, because you don't have crooked fat legs that wobble when you rise. Stand up and be heard. I welcome all feedback. I'm searching for a name, a fat label, for these creatures we call the overweight. For now, I'll stick with fatties, but if you have ideas, please share.

Until next time, stay safe and don't get eat eaten.


32 comments:

Moby Dick said...

I am glad to see a guy with a guy attitude for a change. I have been blogging about losing weight for three years, and believe it or not, the guys are the biggest pussies. You mention to some fat guy that he needs to go to the gym, and the next thing you are getting slammed by several fat guys who claim that you are hateful and mean.

Fat guys are very over-sensitive. To be honest, I can understand why women can be fat. They have to go through pregnancy, and that can really mess up body chemistry, etc., They also have to care for little children. In most homes the woman is the caretaker of the children. That can be a stressful job which requires a lot of attention.

But guys?? What is their excuse and why can't I tell a guy "Go to the fucking gym" without getting some kind of accusation levelled against me??

Anonymous said...

Did you know fat people are harder to kidnap? Mostly because of their thunder thighs and multiple rolls. All the pit stops at Mc Donalds during the get-a-way would add a lot of time and weight. Anyways, great blod and I hope we can rid the world of these oversized abomanitions soon.

Anonymous said...

Fat people and smokers...
I wish they would die...

Then we'd have more room and clean air to breathe!

Anonymous said...

Excellent blog! I can't wait to see more! You are right on, the fats are always bitching about something!

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest page I've even seen! Not sure if you really hate fat people or not, but this is great!!

Anonymous said...

You really are a moron. Just because your fat doesnt make you disgusting or stinky? Im not even going to challenge your intelligent cause this speaks for itself! You may need to try in put all this energy into helping people instead of trying to hurt someone cause their different... and as far as their being cleaner air if fat people were not around give me a freakn break!!!

Anonymous said...

show us your titties melaine.

Anonymous said...

woah easy you hippy liberal bitch!

Anonymous said...

Why do I get the feeling that you are a fatty? Please get some....You probably smell and look like a sloppy guy....In case you're wondering...I'm skinny and no I don't defend fat people...I just think you should invest some ime in your own personal sloppiness before you start looking for labels for other obese people....It's sad dude...close the site down really man...grow up late thirties still acting like a five you old....sad dude...real sad...

William Fatner said...

Melaine, I appreciate your comments. It's pretty standard for people to defend the obese. You say these over-sized abominations (thanks anonymous!) don't stink. You say they are not disgusting, but let's chat about this, OK? First, fat people DO stink in almost all cases. I grant you that some appear to be relatively normal because they are aware of their problem and try extra hard to scrub the deep crevasses of their fatness. But, try standing next to one of these guys on a hot day. Or ask them to walk a flight of stairs and then tell me what you smell. I have literally seen fat people with ass sweat marks on their pants in a corporate environment. Do normal people have sweat running down their ass cheeks? But, as I said, it's true some do at least use sprays and lotions and deodorants trying to mask their sweaty, moldy stench. But the sad truth is that more lardos do not work hard at cleaning because its simply too much work. A simple truth of fatness is that a fat person will do all he can to avoid work. We will cover this in the next blog coming shortly, but you must know that bending over and scrubbing all over a 350 pound body is hard work. In fact, many fat people SWEAT during and after a shower. Seems counter-productive, doesn't it? So, yes, Melaine, it sounds mean and uncaring, but it's time we stop pretending life is so hard for the fatties. You indicated I should "put all this energy into helping people" and my response to you is: I Blog Fat, and thus, I am helping people.

Anonymous said...

+++I fucking love it+++ Fat people need to be told the truth Ignore the liberal wack jobs and tell it william!!!!!

Anonymous said...

William,
Keep telling the truth. Tax fat people now.
Randy

Marvin said...

Fat is the new Black!

Anonymous said...

My name is Carl Melbourne and im 5'8 and 425lbs of mostly fat. I find this sight to be very offensive and i must admit its made me shed tears. All you skinny people can go to hell ....and fat people aren't harder to kidnap...with the right equipment.

William Fatner said...

Anonymous ("carl"): Maybe the best thing I've read all day is when I read "...im 5'8 and 425lbs of mostly fat."

MOSTLY FATY?? When you weight 425, it's not mostly fat, its pure fat. It's the kind of fat I could squeeze and get enough oil to deep fry wings. It's enough fat where I could lick you and gain 5 pounds. The sort of fat where when you sit, you stick to your chair. That kind of fat has more chins than a Chinese phone book (..i know..i know..I couldn't resist).

For real, when you travel, it's TWO airline tickets, right? It's double seat belt extenders? Or, is it hide in your house, go nowhere, and make friends with all the delivery drivers?

Here's my advice, stick with this site, decide fat is gross, get your act together, and enjoy life at a more normal weight...ohhh, I don't know...say, under 300??

Or, call Dominoes. They're offering free cheesy bread.

William Fatner said...

Iron-man: Thanks, I got attitude to spare. I try to be funny, entertaining, but keep it real. You are dead-on, back in the day, you could tell a buddy: "you're getting chubby" and he'd do some sit-ups and cut back on sweets. In today's world, that could get you marked as an obesist. Marvin may be right. To fatties, fat is the new black. But, to me, it's pretty obvious you can't judge people by the color of their skin. But I can make all kinds of -accurate- judgments about fat guys.

William Fatner said...

Tax fatties? Hmmm I don't believe in more taxes, but how about forcing "healthy" fats into labor camps? OK, maybe that's a bit extreme, but on the other hand maybe fat criminals, fat welfare recipients, and the rest of the drains on society in diet programs if they want benefits.

Explain this to me, why do so many poor people look so fat?

Anonymous said...

Fat people should also be concerned about their weight because then theyll get heart problems. CARL HOW HAVE YOU NOT HAD A HEART ATTACK

William Fatner said...

Anonymous: I can't imagine how hard the heart has to work to push blood through a 400lb+ body!

Anonymous said...

William Fatner I dont think you should be talking because you havent seen me and im 425lbs of LEAN fat. and I doubt u could gain 5 lbs by licking me, your a fucking homo, and i dont have many chins, i just have voluminous thighs, you guys are all fags, except melaine and the guy that asked melaine to show us her tits, thats class

William Fatner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
William Fatner said...

Anonymous: You are a perfect candidate for our current contest. Read the post labeled "The Diet Solution Part Two" and let me know if you want the free diet plan. I imagine a guy like you has some sick, disgusting fat stories to share.

And, you're right, anyone that shows tits wins a prize!

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